Don't Mess with the Bull, Young Man

This week was the birthday for one of my other good friends from college. I almost missed it, because they don’t have it listed on Facebook. Seriously, that’s like 67% of the reason I use Facebook- to track birthdays.

I can honestly say that there are only 4 birthdays that I have completely memorized. If somebody threatened my life unless I could give them 5 birthdays immediately, I’d be doomed.

One is my brother’s. This is probably in large part due to the fact that my grandparents used to give me presents on his birthday too. Another is my mother’s. The only reason I know this one, is because the day is the same as mine, and I know the month. Don’t even try to get me to tell you the year. I’m sure whatever answer I come up with will mortally offend my mother should she ever hear.

You would think my daddy would be another one, but actually, no. I know it to a few days (again, ignoring the whole year thing). I can normally figure it out, but it takes a few minutes. I second guess myself. Initially I think it’s the 20^th, then the 21^st, then I’m like no it’s the 19^th, because I would remember if it’s the 21^st and it’s not the 20^th, and I keep going through this process until I make a final decision.

The other two birthdays are my friend Cortney’s, and my godson’s. The only reason I remember Cortney’s is because it coincides with one of my bad luck days. My godson’s birthday, I just know. Sadly I DO NOT have the birthdates for my goddaughters memorized… but nobody needs to tell them that. I know the general range of time. Plus my godson was born first. He gets priority (but again, nobody needs to tell my goddaughters).

Really, it is mildly cruel to expect a mildly dyslexic person to remember anything involving a string of numbers. Don’t even get me started on the issues I’ve had with my new cell number (and by new, I mean from last August…) or with switching my address.

It vexes me though because I LOVE celebrating other people’s birthdays. It’s one of my favorite things. I also like celebrating them ON THE ACTUAL BIRTHDAY.

The good news is I have a trick for remembering birthdays. The bad news is it only really helps me get within a week or two.

Love me some Raj

See, I happen to like astrology. Not to be confused with astronomy, the actually scientific field of studying space-things like Raj does in Big Bang Theory. No, I’m talking horoscopes. I love ‘em. I always have at least one horoscope app for daily ones, I have multiple books about the general signs, and at the end of the day that’s one of the things I’m going to remember about you. What’s your star sign, baby <insert suggestive leer>.

Each sign is broken up over 2 different months. So if you’re born between April 21 and May 21 you’re a Taurus, like me. Because of this, I can typically remember someone’s sign and birth month, to get to the general range of their birthday.

I sense that at this moment, some of you might be judging me. That’s okay. It’s a pretty typical reaction.

I’m not saying I super follow horoscopes. I don’t check necessarily every day. I don’t exactly base my life decisions off them. I’m not saying they’re true for everyone. It just so happens that I agree with mine, and I know several of my friends fit their zodiac sign perfectly.

One of my coworkers Krystal argues that the descriptions for each sign are vague, so that you could match any of them.

Well okay, let’s discuss this.

Some of the general traits for Sagittarius are:

-Positive, happy-go-lucky

-Impatient

-Impulsive

-Nature/animal lover

-Super ambitious

-Candid (kinda tactless)

That IS NOT me. I mean maybe you could argue that I’m a pretty positive person as well, but I am definitely not who I first think of when I read that description.

On the other hand, that’s almost a perfect description of my brother. Guess what my brother’s sign is? Yeah that’s right, Sagittarius.

Now you might not match every single trait for your sign. This is partly due to the fact that most people just look for their Sun sign, and ignore their Moon sign, which can play a part. I match my Sun sign so well that I feel comfortable ignoring anything else.

And while whenever the topic of horoscopes come up, people tend to laugh at me, within SECONDS they are asking me what their sign is and what it means about them. This has happened to me with women, men, old people, youngins, and serious skeptics. It’s like they have to deny it first, but then the curiosity is too much. And since they already denied it, if they don’t like what I say they can laugh it off again.

Not that I have every sign memorized at this point. Most of my friends have always been the same few signs, so those are the ones I really know.

And, of course, I know my Taurus traits, because I am such a Taurus.

Just a few common Taurus traits, both good & bad:

Physically, Taurus people are stocky (or for women, busty), have hair that is naturally curly or wavy, and have very large eyes.

There are very few Taurus traits I don’t have, but one is such a prominent trait that it saddens me. Taurus individuals generally have very distinctive voices, because that is the area ruled by our sign. They are often wonderful singers or speakers. As I’ve mentioned before, my voice sucks. It’s far too childish. Really, the only good thing you can say about it is that it’s incredibly expressive.

Ah well, none of us can be perfect.