In the course of events over lunch, I was talking about
movies and said something like “a lot of my favorite movies have strippers in
them.” This statement stayed in my head during the day. The more I thought about
it, the more I realized it was true. I’m not entirely sure what that means. Does
this say something about me as a person? Let’s pretend it doesn’t.
But I thought it would only be fair to share with you some
of these fabulous movies. I was going to rank them but had a really tough time
doing so. They’re all good for various reasons. Then as I thought about it, I
realized that’s the best part! Even looking at just my 4 favorite stripper
movies, you have a movie to cover EVERY POSSIBLE MOTIVE FOR WATCHING A MOVIE!!
Okay, that’s an exaggeration, clearly, as some of you have
all sorts of different motives and moods than me, but there’s still a nice
range available. Again, that’s counting only my favorite stripper movies. I’m
not even including more famous and obvious ones like Showgirls, Flashdance, or The
Full Monty. So here follows a few sample moods for watching a movie, and
the appropriate stripper movie for that moment.
Mood 1: “Seriously I need to
non-stop laugh.” -> We’re The Millers
This movie is more mainstream than some of the others so you
probably heard of it before, maybe even watched it before. And why not, it’s
fantastic! The cast includes Jennifer Aniston, Jason Sudeikis, Emma Roberts,
and Nick Offerman just to name a few.
The stripper in this movie is Jennifer Aniston. The fact
that I actively dislike Jennifer Aniston and still love this movies speaks to
both its comedy, and how well she does feisty stripper Rose.
Best scene: the full first kiss scene, without a doubt.
Mood 2: “I really just want
to watch people pulverize the crap out of each other in a completely
unrealistic fashion.” -> Bitch Slap
You probably wouldn’t recognize any of the main cast, but
this move (a steal from the $5 bin) includes cameos from Kevin Sorbo, Lucy
Lawless, and Renee O’Connor. It also would work for the “let’s watch a lot of
hot women show off their body and have everyone be a lesbian” viewing crowd, if
such a crowd exists.
The stripper for this one is named Trixie, and played by
Julia Voth. By the end of the movie she is my favorite character there!
Best scene: hmm, it’s a toss between the very end, and the
church confession scene.
Mood 3: “Right now I need a
romance movie that doesn’t make me hate everyone with its unrealistic
perfection and ridiculous glamorized kissing and sex scenes.” -> My Awkward Sexual Adventure
If you haven’t seen this before it’s currently on Netflix. I
randomly discovered it a few weeks ago. None of the actors were particularly
noteworthy to me except that Emily Hampshire was in another Netflix find from
the fall: The Returned.
Julia may be my favorite stripper so far in life. It’s a
very close tie with our final stripper. Emily Hampshire is so different from
the only other role I’ve seen her in that I have to commend the performance.
Okay yes, that’s a really narrow data set to make a judgment on, but screw you.
It’s amazing. And awkward. And amazing. This movie also prompted a very long
conversation around corsets (which we all know I love).
Best scene: The fruit. I think it’s cantaloupe? I don’t
really know fruit. I know what is both amusing and kinda sexy though. *cue
growl and claw swipe motion*
Mood 4: “Please warm the
cockles of my heart. Also have strippers. And Hugh Jackman.” -> Butter
I saved the best for
last! I love this movie. I love this movie in ways you cannot even imagine. A
ridiculous number of stars are in it, but clearly Hugh Jackman is the one that matters. It’s heartwarming, and funny, and raunchy, and ridiculous all at the
same time. Why am I not watching this right now!? What am I doing with my
life!?? Ooo, now I know what I’m doing tomorrow…
Olivia Wilde plays stripper Brooke, as I said above
potentially my favorite stripper ever. Every time she opens her mouth she says
something that makes me cackle. My personal favorite, “So you want a cookie
‘cause you’re going to get pregnant? I get pregnant, like, once a month!!”
Best scene: wow, I am having an incredibly hard time picking
one! I keep second-guessing myself because IT’S ALL SO GOOD. Okay, okay, twist my arm, and I’d probably
say… when the contestants all explain their sculptures. Oh the LOLz.
So those are my favorite stripper movies! Definitely share if you have other favorites, or if you also agree with these picks!
