If Life Gives You Melons

My absolute favorite t-shirt (thanks Kevin!!)

I am convinced I am dyslexic. Because I also happen to be a Taurus, you can’t talk me out of thinking I’m dyslexic, but it annoys me when people (my father) doubt my dyslexia. It’s not like I wanted to be dyslexic. I certainly didn’t choose to be this way. And it’s hardly my fault that just because I have autocorrect and happen to be a super awesome speed reader that my dyslexia is not immediately apparent.

 Most people would assume if you read well, you’re not dyslexic. The thing with my reading, is that I speed read. The thing with speed reading, is that you don’t actually read the full word. You really just take in the beginning and end of the word. The thing with just reading the beginning and end of the word, is that generally it doesn’t matter if you are reordering the middle letters the wrong way (so if you’re reading it as cheif instead of chief it doesn’t matter). The really nice thing about speed reading, is that you are filling in the word based on context. Which is why when I read a word wrong it becomes pretty obvious.

For example, today I was reading an email that had a word that I thought was “entangled.” However once I finished the sentence (they were very entangled and responsive) I realized it sounded pretty weird. They were responsive to being entangled? Is this some kind of Fifty Shades of Grey thing? So I looked at the word again, studied it a moment or two, and realized it was “engaged.” Here right above “engaged” it said “attend,” so I did my usual letter shifting… and ended up with “entangled.”

This kind of thing happens all the time, and I just ignore it. I actually never thought of it as a problem, I assumed it’s normal. I mean doesn’t everyone have that problem of words and letters constantly moving around?

Apparently not.

Really, I first suspected my dyslexia back in school. I HATED math with a passion. I found it almost impossible to memorize all the stupid formulas, and I was always frustrated because no matter how much time I spent looking over quizzes or tests, inevitably there would be a least one question I missed because at some point my 203 turned into a 230. I’d get some credit, because my work was right. I understood the process. Just those stupid numbers kept getting switched.

You’d really think this would have flagged me for my teachers to mention dyslexia, but to be fair it wasn’t every single problem. It was more like 1 or 2 questions every other quiz/test/homework. I guess they thought I was just sloppy. Or couldn’t read my own handwriting, which is a fair possibility considering how crappy my handwriting is.

Nonetheless, since no one ever mentioned anything I assumed it was all in my head, and carried on.

It wasn’t until I was working with my current company that I really became convinced I was dyslexic. I was frequently making calls, and I hate calling people because half the time I end up dialing the wrong number. I was complaining a bit to a coworker, and he mentioned some similar issues, and then said the magic words “I’m dyslexic.” Which got me thinking. If he was dyslexic, couldn’t I be too?

That weekend I happened to be back home with my parents, and during some down time, I decided to look up some common symptoms for dyslexia. I found this questionnaire of 20 common dyslexic symptoms. It then gave some general results (such as most people have no more than 4 “yes” responses) and also said if you have more than 9 “yes” responses it’s a strong indicator of dyslexia. Guess what? I had ***14***!!!

I raced around my house telling my father (who didn’t believe me), my mother (who just kind of listened and nodded), and my grandmother (who was visiting). Now wouldn’t you know it, as soon as I tell my grandmother about the results, she casually said, “Well you know, Jerry was dyslexic.”

Jerry being my grandfather. Dyslexia being genetic. This clearly being something I should have known.

I suspect my father doubts my dyslexia because of how eager I was to accept it. But why not? Do you realize, being dyslexic would explain so many of what I thought were just random quirks? Things I always thought made me stupid (like my severe issues with left/right, and my inability to tell time unless I have a digital watch) are actually common symptoms of dyslexia.

I’ll conclude this post with a list of common dyslexia symptoms THAT I HAVE, because it’s pretty good proof in my court. Not because of how long the list is, just the sheer randomness of things I’ve always been teased about (like how I pronounce words, or the way I hold my pencil) which are apparently somehow linked with dyslexia. Also, I just like lists (as does my friend Erin).

1.     Spells phonetically and inconsistently.

2.     Confusion over left and right.

3.     Seems to "Zone out" or daydream often; gets lost easily or loses track of time.

4.     Leaves sentences incomplete; stutters under stress; mispronounces long words, or transposes phrases, words, and syllables when speaking.

5.     Shows dependence on finger counting, tricks, and gimmicks.

6.     Can do arithmetic, but fails word problems.

7.     Hears things not said or apparent to others; easily distracted by sounds.

8.     Feeling or seeing non-existent movement while reading or writing.

9.     May lack depth perception and peripheral vision.

10. Clumsy, uncoordinated, poor at ball or team sports.

11. Handwriting varies or is illegible.

12. Trouble with writing or copying; pencil grip may be unusual.

13. Prone to motion-sickness.

14. Has difficulty telling time.

15. Can be an extra deep or light sleeper.

16. Strong sense of justice; emotionally sensitive; strives for perfection.

17. Poor memory for sequences.