Why Reading Should be a Sport.

 I’ve never been great at sports. Actually, I’ve never even been okay at sports. Part of it is my fail genes. I have no hand-eye coordination. Seriously. None. I can’t even throw things in any kind of consistent fashion. I’m not even sure I know how to aim. I think I’m aiming, but considering where things end up I’m starting to suspect otherwise.

For a while I played soccer, which I did much better at (and yes, I’m ending my sentence with a preposition, deal with it).  Eye-feet coordination is way more my thing. But that didn’t last long, because of the second part of the issue… my inability to stick with activities. Sure, if I had practiced I’d probably get better, but I never liked any sport enough to dedicate the time. Probably for the best. My brother swears I would have gotten kicked out of almost every soccer game as I got older. I was a teeny bit aggressive.

Now reading, that was something to get into. Fate & genetics, nurture & nature all combined to develop my reading skills. Initially I found it very hard to learn to read. I wasn’t one of those prodigies reading newspapers at age 2.  I remember struggling with stupid flashcards while my mom quizzed me in her bedroom. There were a lot of ducks all over the walls. Maybe that’s why I hate ducks? I subconsciously associate them with hating to learn my phonics? Nah, it’s more likely the result of a vicious duck & geese attack while trying to innocently feed them bread.

Anyway, despite the rough start learning the basics, I loved reading. Both my parents are great readers. They read to me frequently when I was young. Actually, my mom used to read The Hobbit to my brother and I. Talk about starting neekness at a young age.

I still might have just been an average reader at best, but other factors combined to increase the appeal. They say reading is an escape, and boy was it ever for me. I used reading to escape more and more situations until it was my answer for everything.

Take for instance my brother. We get along great now, but when we were younger I couldn’t stand him. I’ll give you a hint why… his common nickname was “Annoy Boy.” He could only entertain himself by irritating others. My parents told me time and time again to ignore him. But I couldn’t UNTIL I started reading all the time. There’s this great about me and reading. When I’m really into a book the world is dead to me. You can be talking right to me and I don’t hear a thing. That is not an exaggeration. At all.

Then there was the whole thing with me being a picky eater. I’d like to first point out that while I’m still not perfectly normal on that factor (ask me about sandwiches sometime…) I am MUCH, MUCH better. As a child there were very few things I could eat. Nothing complicated. Food couldn’t touch. Nothing even remotely spicy. Even food I liked could gross me out depending on the texture. I soon realized that if I read while eating, I didn’t notice the taste or texture as much. I wasn’t allowed to read during family dinners, but this saved me a lot during lunch.

Additionally, I was a very fearful child. Many things scared me… aliens, spiders, the dark, sharks… just to name a few. I also had trouble sleeping. This led to frequent reading at night when I couldn’t fall asleep, and starting to smuggle books into the bath so I could distract myself from the possibility of sharks emerging from the drain.

I know, I know, at this point you’re thinking I was the worst child in the world. Luckily I was at least adorable. But what it comes down to is that eventually I became a super awesome fast reader. Seriously, I’m a champ.

Back when the Harry Potter books were still coming out I worked part-time at a bookstore, and we would always have a midnight party when the new book was released. I would work the midnight party, get home late, read the entire new book, and then open the store the next morning by 8. When the 7^th book came out I actually re-read a book every night that week so that the whole series would be fresh in my mind. This was while working 2 jobs, roughly around 70 hours a week. I worked during the day, came home and read, and besides the night of the midnight release for Deathly Hallows still managed to get a decent amount of sleep.

So why should reading be a sport? Because I’d win. Not every time. There’s always a faster, more comprehensive reader out there. But at least some times!

It seems like everything else can be defined as a sport these days. Seriously what is the criteria? In college my friends and I decided that any activity that can make your nipples bleed counts as a sport. This came up after discussing cross-country track, and while I’d like to say I’m not that one that made that definition, there is a strong possibility it was me. They always seem to blame me for those kinds of things. Anyway, this quickly opened up the world of sports to several new activities in our minds. At the time, reading was not one of them.

I guess it could be. Maybe if you accidentally closed the book quickly and your chest was bare? Or if you were reading naked while walking down the steps and tripped? I think the better plan is to just make a new definition for sports. Something that would include reading, so we can start having reading matches. I can win some, get an endorsement, and eventually get paid to read. That would be AWESOME.