Cheaters Never Prosper

Sometimes it seems like the universe really wants me to focus on something. It just comes up over and over again. Before I moved, it was Texas. Everywhere I turned, everywhere I looked, something came up either about Texas or reminding me of Texas. I took that as a sign from the universe that I was meant to move. Right now, the universe theme of the week is cheating. I am not taking it as a sign to cheat (although if I were in a committed relationship, I might be nudged into doing some checking on my significant other), but more as a sign of something I need to discuss.

One should note, longing looks are probably a bad sign...

The most recent cheating event that has come up is of course the Kristen Stewart/Robert Pattinson debacle. I know, I know, you’re sick of it already. And it just came out YESTERDAY. Me too. Don’t worry, we’re not talking about them.

We’re talking about the main questions that have come out of this. Will RPatt take her back? Should he forgive her? Should we? Does an apology make it right?

A year ago, I would instantly know my answer to all of those questions. Absolutely not. There is never a justified reason for cheating. You should never trust a cheater. And maybe you should forgive, but just in the sense of magnanimously saying “I forgive you” and moving on with your life instead of being consumed by bitterness and turning into the angry cat person.

The black and white version is that cheaters cheat. There is something programmed in them to make them cheat, and no one in their right mind would ever date/marry that person. If this was true, we could just find all the cheaters in the world and put them on their own island and do our own non-cheating thing. But not only is this idea ridiculous (and morally reprehensible to boot), it’s not true.

I want to turn to a quote from an excellent movie, When Harry Met Sally: “marriages don’t break up on account of infidelity. It’s just a symptom that something else is wrong.”

This is a wise movie my friends, with many gems of advice we can take for our real lives (like “everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste”). I don’t think people cheat just to cheat. I mean really, who wants to be known as a cheater? It’s definitely not anything we applaud. So I think we have to take those reasons into consideration.

So is it ever justified to cheat? Well actually there are tons of examples where we’re encouraged to overlook cheating. I’m just going to point out the few (kinda obscure) ones that have come up for me this week.

1.     Suze in the book Fast Women by Jennifer Crusie.

Let me just say first that I love Jennifer Crusie, and I think she does a fabulous job combining humor, action, and real life relationship situations. A lot of the women in Fast Women are dealing with cheating spouses, but what we might forget is that Suze, a totally awesome character, was once the other woman. She slept with a married man, who she eventually married. She broke up a marriage. Does that mean we hate her? No! So why is it okay to forgive Suze? Especially when she ends up kissing another woman while still married. They don’t have sex, so technically that’s not cheating (depending on your definition), but it’s getting to the fuzzy line of morality.

2.     Marie in When Harry Met Sally

Since we already mentioned this movie, let’s roll with it some more. We can’t forget that one of the main characters is having an affair with a married man for YEARS. Sure, he never leaves his wife, but is that really good? Would you want to be that wife? I think not. Yet we can’t help liking and rooting for Marie, especially when she matures and gets married herself.

3.     Scott Pilgrim in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World

This movie is all about Scott Pilgrim fighting others to get the love of his life, Ramona. Never mind the fact that he met Ramona and started dating her while he was still involved with a 17-year-old girl. At least Scott learns a lesson, and apologizes. But wait, didn’t I start by saying that apologizing doesn’t make it right? Well then how come I still want Scott and Ramona to end up together?

4.     Nick Aten in Blood Crazy

This is undoubtedly the most obscure reference yet, as Blood Crazy is one of my favorite random horror books. Nick Aten ends up sleeping with another woman because he is drugged, and thinks he’s just having vivid sex dreams. Well surely that’s okay. It’s totally not even his fault. But then after finding out what’s really going on, he’s persuaded to sleep with the girl again, for the fun of it. Can you really say no at that point?

Those are just the examples that have come up this week. As I said, there are tons more. But I think the key point we’re getting here is that circumstances and situations definitely have a role in cheating.

Let’s go a step further. How many of you have you a celeb freebie? That one celeb you lust after so much, it is an accepted fact that you would be allowed to cheat if it was with that celeb (for the record, mine was Hugh Jackman, although at this point I’m considering changing it to Alexander Skarsgard or Ian Somerhalder). This is actually a fairly common conversation piece, because it’s interesting to hear everyone’s celeb choices. But when you really think about it, the whole idea is encouraging cheating. Sure, with celebrities, but technically they’re people too.

It's an interesting wedding when the fight is NOT caused by the bride's coatroom hookup

I actually loved the Don’t Trust the B—in Apt 23 episode where they go to a wedding, and James Van Der Beek (who is playing a twisted version of himself) finds out he’s the bride’s freebie and of course ends up having sex with her in the coat room, which everyone is cool with. Cuz it’s a freebie. Let me repeat, James Van Der Beek sleeps with a bride on her wedding day and it’s funny because it’s a freebie. WHAT IS WRONG WITH US, AMERICA?

Let’s end with a movie basically dedicated to cheating, the hysterical and insulting Road Trip. Basically the premise revolves around a guy that cheats (kinda accidentally, kinda not, it’s really debatable) and then goes across the country to make sure his girlfriend doesn’t find out. Not only is this movie all about cheating, it introduced into the wider world the idea behind the “it’s not cheating rules.”

Like “it’s not cheating if it’s a different area code,” and “it’s not cheating if you’re too wasted to remember.” And who can forget, “it’s not cheating if you spread peanut butter on your balls and let your dog lick it off… because it’s YOUR dog.” With that kind of mindset, Game of Thrones characters could probably argue “it’s not cheating if it’s with your sibling… because it’s your family. Get it?” Gross.

So what’s the moral of the story here? Who the heck knows. I think really, we need to start considering that maybe we shouldn’t be so judgmental. And I include myself in that. I mean yes, the person who cheated screwed up, but at the end of the day they made a bad decision. I make bad decisions all the time. Mine just happen to be of a different variety than cheating.

I’m certainly not condoning cheating. I just think that maybe it shouldn’t be so black and white anymore. It’s not just cheater/cheatee. There are many people involved, all of whom probably made mistakes, and it’s a very sticky web to unravel. Unless you’re the one who was cheated on, you cannot even begin to fully comprehend the situation. And in the meantime, if you’re not personally involved, well then, stay out of it.  

To close, I'll just casually say that if I had been Kristen Stewart and gun to my head I HAD to cheat with a married man from Snow White and The Huntsman... well it definitely wouldn't be with the old director man. Just saying.