(Not Quite) Falling Off the Wagon

The word “wagon” inevitably makes me thing of the Oregon Trail. This is mostly due to the game, Oregon Trail. Spectacular game. I used to play it for hours. It kept you on your toes, that’s for sure. One minute everything is fine and dandy, and the next your axle cracked, an oxen died, you’re almost out of food, and oh by the way Jim-Bob got dysentery. Fabulous.

So when I think of the phrase “falling off the wagon” my mental image is always a little cartoon person hanging on to the wagons from the Oregon Trail (and if you played the game, specifically it’s the image that came up while fording the river) as they slowly slip off. This week, that little cartoon person was me.

Now you’re probably wondering at this point what I could possibly be addicted to. I seem so normal, right? But as I have actually mentioned before I’m currently recovering from a serious diet pepsi addiction. And for whatever reason, this past week the universe decided to tempt me at every possible opportunity.

I know, I know, it’s diet pepsi. It’s not like I’m addicted to something super harmful. I am fully aware that there are far worse addictions out there. But are you fully aware how much I CRAVE just a sip of diet pepsi?

Since I gave up the stuff last summer, I have had it all of 3 times. Every time I considered my options before having any, deciding that it was acceptable due to the circumstances (things like there were no other drinks available). It might seem then like it was no big deal if I slipped up and had one this week as well. But it is my friend. Oh, how it is.

Let’s start by explaining why I was craving it so much. I was traveling for work last week, and we were out in a classically HOT state. Of course these days which states haven’t been feeling the heat… but where we were it was about 108 degrees or hotter every day. Which meant that obviously, I would prefer to drink something cold. Drinks were provided, but the options were limited. It was coke products, tea, or coffee.

I was drinking tea, because I needed the caffeine. We were quite busy running amuck all week, and I was tired. Plus I don’t sleep well when I know I need to wake up early, I don’t sleep well when someone is in the room with me (I secretly fear someday assaulting someone in my sleep), and both of those circumstances applied to the whole week.

So while I was drinking tea, I really wanted to drink something cold. Typically when I want a cold caffeinated beverage these days I turn to iced tea. Well, they had none. Ok, I’m flexible, next option would be a Mountain Dew. As I said, they were serving COKE products. No Mountain Dew available. I mean I drink Sprite sometimes, but not when I need my caffeine fix! There was allegedly a coffee cart somewhere selling iced coffee, which would be acceptable, but note the word “selling” as opposed to the free drink options. I’m a bit of a Scrooge. I find it almost impossible to convince myself to buy things when I have a free option, so this really wasn’t an option at all.

Which meant I was stuck with hot tea all week.

This probably wouldn’t have been so bad, but I swear every person that walked up to me was drinking a diet coke. Sometimes they would pour it into a glass of ice in front of me. Oh, how the sight of the glorious dark liquid swirling around those ice cubes stirred my blood. Sometimes they would actually open the can right in front of me. Little known fact: on a job interview they once asked me for my favorite sound in the world. I said the “pop” sound of a pepsi can being opened. You can guess then the effect when everyone is opening their cans around me.

I struggled on. Granted, I complained about it a lot to others. They mostly ignored me. It’s not easy when no one takes your addiction seriously.

I suppose it could have been worse. It could have been pepsi products available. Except then I would have had mountain dew. And even if I didn’t, my resolve would have been stronger.

That sounds odd, doesn’t it? My resolve would have been stronger for the drink I PREFER. Well honestly of those 3 times I’ve had diet pop since last June, only 1 was diet pepsi. And that was actually caffeine free diet pepsi. The other times I had coke, because frankly I don’t think it’s as good, so I didn’t think there was as much of an opportunity for me to go crazy and suck up every sip of diet coke on the premises.

Which means that last week I was constantly justifying it to myself. “Oh, it’s just diet coke. No big deal. I don’t want it as much, so I’ll be able to stop.” “Everyone else is drinking it and they’re fine, surely I can just have one.” “Who cares if I have a diet coke, it’s not hurting anybody…”

And this my friends, is why I held onto that mental wagon and did not end up having a single diet coke (or regular coke, or coke of any form) last week. Because listening to myself, I still sound like an addict. Because I know while having just one really isn’t a big deal, for me, it’s very possible that it will be a gateway to having one next week, then the week after, then next thing you know I’m back to 10 a day or worse.

Btw, addictions suck. Even the ones to "harmless" things like pop.