The Lady-Bro

Today we are going to talk about an elusive and fascinating creature, the lady-bro.

A few weeks ago my brother and some of his friends determined that I am a lady-bro. Since then I have been trying to figure out what is a lady-bro, why am I a lady-bro, and is that something I agree with.

I argued with them several times on whether or not I should be classified as a lady-bro. This will feed in later to the definition of a lady-bro, but part of the reason I argued with them was a question of their motivation.

See, they also have this game called “bull moose,” wherein if you are drinking using your right hand and someone sees this and says “bull moose,” you have to finish the drink. They had tried this on me several times but as I had never heard of this ridiculous reasoning I was ignoring them, and finally they explained it is a very important game for gentlemen as that way when you are introduced to someone and shake hands like gentlemen, your hand isn’t cold. This only fueled my determination to not play since I am clearly not a gentleman. Probably not even a gentlewoman. And this friends is how it came about that they declared me a lady-bro.

It’s not that I was offended at being designated a lady-bro, it’s that I don’t think I really qualify. So that’s brings up the question, what exactly is a lady-bro?

Urban dictionary has a few definitions, the one with the least typos and ridiculous spelling being:

“A lady-bro is, first and foremost, chill. She is able to hold her own in the company of all males. She can relate to conversation at bro-night and can even offer further stimulation to the gathering. However, this characterization is not sufficient for the definition of a lady-bro!

She is more than just a girl who is refreshingly easy to hang out with. She is the girlfriend of a bro who is ALSO easy to hang out with.”

So right there, I’m out, as I am not the girlfriend of a bro. Nor do I wear tapout shirts or have black & blonde hair as some of the other definitions mention.

But in my mind, a lady-bro is more of a Robin Scherbatsky type of person. She can drink whisky, smoke cigars, and shoot a gun. She prefers dogs over cats and doesn’t do the normal girl emotional thing. Also, she’s smoking hot.

I cannot drink whisky to save my life. Scotch and bourbon are also out. In fact the mere smell makes me want to vomit. I do, however, drink beer. I know a teeny bit about it (like I know the difference between an IPA and a stout and what to expect if you tell me it’s “hoppy,” which in my mind is like the bare minimum of knowledge for a beer drinker but apparently is impressive for a girl to know).  

I realized though that the idea of a lady-bro ties back into the constant debate on whether or not girls can be nerds.

See there seems to be this mental image of girls as cat-obsessed, needy, crazy, calorie-counting, football-hating creatures that spend thousands on clothes, wear makeup to bed, and can’t understand or appreciate anything that men enjoy. Certainly some of these may be true for some people, and that’s okay. I am not here to judge. I just don’t understand why the assumption is that girls can’t enjoy “manly” things.

It may feel like I’m beating a dead horse because I’ve talked about this a little before, but it still irks me. Especially the idea that girls aren’t nerds. Apparently we’ve developed a term, lady-bro, for girls that share some guy traits, but we can’t even acknowledge that girls can be just as much of nerds as guys?

Just the other day I was betraying my nerd tendencies by talking about how I really wanted to name a daughter Trixie Hobbitses. I had a room full of people staring at me because they didn’t get it. My brother is playing WoW again and on one of our phone calls was describing all the ways they’ve changed the game since we last played, which of course makes me want to play WoW again. That would be a bad life decision though.

So it made me wonder, was I classified as a lady-bro because of general deviation from the girl stereotype, and not necessarily because I engage in “bro” behavior?

I don’t know, partly because sometimes I can’t judge what is “guy” versus “girl” behavior. I know in the summer I love to prance about in dresses. That seems girly. I also know I love Archer, and I recently found out that is considered a “guy” show. Really? Why?

Am I lady-bro? I don’t know, but partly because I don’t know whether there should even be a lady-bro designation. Why can’t we just accept that there is no longer a clear-cut difference between “girl” and “guy” conduct? But since we seem determined to stick with those labels, would I be more of a lady-bro than a girly girl? I still can’t decide. All I know for sure is that if you try and call bull moose on me I will slap you.  

What Happens When You Assume

I may have mentioned before that I’m a Steeler fan. This is causing me a lot of angst this season as they’re refusing to win games and making lots of really silly mistakes. Today’s game is no exception. Dropped balls, interceptions, turnovers that lead to touchdowns... At least James Harrison is still kicking butt and taking names. I love James Harrison.

I'm not this bad. I mean seriously...

Now I feel like I should clarify a bit on my fanship. I absolutely label myself as a Steeler fan. I watch every game with the only exceptions being when I’m busy for work purposes.  I own many different Steeler items (earrings, blankets, shirts, and of course a James Harrison jersey just to name a few). I recognize the names of the majority of the starters.

However, I don’t have every single player on the team memorized. I don’t know the nitty gritty details of the rules of football. Does this stop me from enjoying the game? Well of course not! What I find interesting though is that the common perception is that this is because I’m a girl. Apparently girls are not expected to know these things. Heck, we’re barely expected to be football fans beyond tailgating in college.

In my case, I don’t have all the intricacies of the football rules down because I decided it wasn’t necessary to know, and the refs are just going to interpret things however they want anyway (which inevitably stresses me out when they’re clearly being idiots). 

This leads me into an always interesting discussion – male and female stereotyping. Clearly, I am not going to explore every aspect of it today as the Steelers are still playing (I was going to say poorly but WOOT!! Woodley just made me eat my words) and I want to go to sleep at some point as well.   

Stereotypes will always exist. I’m sorry, they will. I think it’s just a progression of thinking. We naturally try to make assumptions about how the world functions. We use these assumptions to explain phenomena of nature as well as social situations. This can apply to a specific individual. I notice a friend has ordered cider beer multiple times in a night and I assume that’s their preference and start always ordering cider beer for them. I notice that a bunch of Texas hotels put information on church services near the front of their guest directory and I assume that Texans are more religious.

Maybe these assumptions are right, maybe they’re wrong. Now sometimes stereotypes are accurate. That’s why they exist, because there were at least a few situations and individuals that fit the bill. But they can be damaging.

I’m currently reading How Children Succeed. One of the sections I found very interesting in the book was about how identifying with a group can be both positive and negative. A positive is because it gives you a shared identity, which can help you connect with the other group members. A negative is that you then feel constrained by the group stereotypes.

The book described studies comparing the test score results for girls on math exams. When the girls first received positive messaging that intelligence is flexible and didn’t feel constrained by that good ol’ belief that men are naturally better at math, they scored better than the control group of girls. So stereotypes can be self-perpetuating. Because girls are supposed to be worse at math, they expect to do poorly and don’t try to their full potential, thus giving them worse scores.

Apparently this is what it looks like when flat.

My friend Jenn was just telling me the other week how excited she was when she took her car into the shop and they talked to her like a real person. She had issues in the past where they talked down to her assuming she didn’t know anything about cars. Now I’ve encountered this as well, but it’s never bugged me because I legitimately don’t know anything about cars. I have plenty of girl friends that LOVE cars. They can talk mechanics all day long. Me? Well, let’s just say that I’m the girl that didn’t realize her tire was flat back in high school. I called my parents saying it looked funny, and when they asked if it was flat I said “no, it’s just the bottom part.”

In one of my friend Erin’s posts we got on a side discussion about movies based off video games and how she doesn’t like that all the female characters stroll around with very little clothing. This is a valid point. If I was fighting zombies I’d be wearing tons of layers to help protect myself from getting infected. I think the issue is that when they make these games they assume mostly males will be playing them. Despite the evidence to the contrary, the stereotype is that gamers are male.

Just the other day I was talking to someone who I found out works for Blizzard. I immediately told them how mad their company makes me. They responded that this better not be another case of an angry girlfriend that lost their bf to WoW.

While this kind of made me giggle, it’s still the stereotype at work. If I had been a guy, they never would have made this assumption. Since I’m a girl, they assumed I wasn’t involved with Blizzard directly but just knew it through a guy. I actually played WoW for a while, and in fact I was referring to Blizzard doing ridiculous things to my account like deleting game subscriptions.

Where does this leave us? Well basically the same place we started. I can’t fix all the wrongs of the world with this little post. When I encounter new people I’m still going to be going against the same stereotypes.

But I can make more of an effort to not make my own assumptions about people. As my father always told me over and over growing up, what happens when you assume? You make an ass out of u and me (still true).

And if nothing else, we can all remember that these stereotypes DO NOT DEFINE US.