FtF: Technology is a Ruiner

It’s been a long time since I’ve done a For the Few post, mainly because I keep talking about movies that no one even cares if they’re spoiled. Road Trip technically might classify as another of those movies, but I do adore it, so to be safe let’s start with the general warning of SPOILERS AHEAD!

In case you somehow missed seeing Road Trip, let’s start with the basic background. It came out in the summer of 2000 and was an instant classic with horny teenagers around the world. The movie revolves around 4 college guys that drive from Ithaca NY to Austin TX in 3 short days in order to retrieve a package mailed in error. It’s full of nudity, sex jokes, and Tom Green being insane. It spawned the need for similar movies like EuroTrip which has the classic and classy song “Scotty Doesn’t Know.” And sadly, I realized that due to all the ways technology has advanced and taken over our lives, this movie totally doesn’t work anymore. Watching the movie now requires not only suspension of belief on things like the character’s ages and the sexual willingness of beautiful college girls to hook up with short or nerdy guys, but pretty much every plot point from start to finish. Let’s explore the top 5 ways technology has absolutely ruined Road Trip.

5. The bridge scene.

So our guys start driving from NY to Texas and take a shortcut in PA. They wind up in the middle of nowhere faced with a broken bridge and no alternative way across the road. This starts a hilarious sequence that ends with a blown up car. The problem is they would never actually get to this point. There’s no way they’d be simply driving about using a map. Who uses maps these days?? At least one guy in the car would have their destination entered on some sort of GPS app. Even if they decided to not follow the suggested route, there were be some sort of indication the bridge was broken. Heck, there’d probably be some sort of little broken bridge picture on the GPS when they looked at the road. I’m not sure what that looks like, but it’d probably be cute. 

4. The missing son.

One of the guys, Kyle, has a very controlling father that becomes convinced Kyle is kidnapped. He tracks his son across the country leading up to an interesting confrontation in Austin. In reality, it wouldn’t have taken him that long to find Kyle. First of all, the guys talk Kyle into using the credit card his dad gave him for emergencies. I guarantee these days Kyle’s father would have some sort of notification tied to that credit card, and would know that Kyle wasn’t still in Ithaca long before the blown up car was found. Second, this guy is a total control freak. He would absolutely have given Kyle a cell phone, and there would certainly be a “find my phone” feature. As soon as he realized Kyle was missing he would have tried calling, and even if Kyle refused to answer (due to fear of his father), he would have used the location detection. There might still be a side story with Kyle’s parents, but it would be resolved much earlier.

3. Austin/Boston mix up.

One of the other side stories in the movie involves Beth, who slept with Josh, tracking down Josh’s girlfriend to let her know Josh was cheating on her. Hilarity ensues when she is mistakenly directed to the University of Boston instead of the University of Austin. Today, that is not in any way, shape, or form even remotely feasible. From the very first scene with Beth and Josh you can tell she is interested in him. Before they ever hooked up she would have social channel stalked the heck out of him. She’d not only know his girlfriend’s correct college, but also what she looked like, whether they were really in a relationship (as Beth thought they were broken up when she slept with Josh), but probably even know the date they got together years and years ago. Tell me I’m wrong. Go ahead, try. She probably also wouldn’t have still felt the need to go in person, as she could simply send Tiffany a little message of “oh hey, nailed the crap out of your bf the other night. #YOLO! #mybad”

2. “Cheating.”

Now again, the entire reason Beth sleeps with Josh is she thinks he’s single. To be fair, Josh kind of thinks that too. I’m not even going to comment on how this is the perfect example of guy versus girl mindset (Josh basically assumes that since Tiffany hasn’t contacted him in a few days that she’s off sleeping her way through every man in Austin and he’s free to do what he wants without you know, ever CONFIRMING THE BREAKUP. Okay, I lied, I’m commenting on this. WTF is wrong with men?? You couldn’t keep it in your pants like an extra day to maybe make sure you’re single first?) It turns out that Tiffany hasn’t been talking to Josh because her grandfather died, and they’ve been missing each other’s phone calls.

So let’s break this down. Does anyone even still use dorm phones? No. They would have cells, and even if they didn’t catch each other there would have been a record of all the missed calls. Most likely some texts would have been exchanged. At the very least, even if Tiffany isn’t one of those girls to post her entire life on FB, some well-meaning relative would be leaving “so sorry for your loss!” all over her wall. Josh would know his relationship status long before he ever saw Beth at the party. Beth would know his status before the party. If any “cheating” occurred, it would have been on purpose and not cause for a cross-country guilt trip.

1. The entire premise of the road trip.

Simply put, nobody mails videos anymore. Josh and Tiffany would be having regular Skype sessions instead of mailing back and forth super weird videos. Even assuming Josh went ahead and recorded something for Tiffany, it wouldn’t be then mailed in a package. It might be uploaded online, or sent in an email, but if that was the case Josh wouldn’t have any “race against the clock” to fetch the video. Either he’d have a way to take it offline immediately, or Tiffany would see it (although previews for the movie Sex Tape seem to assume otherwise, so I could be wrong on that). In addition, his friend wouldn’t accidentally upload/send it on his behalf. It would have some sort of file name, and even Rubin probably would recognize the difference between a file like “Vid for Tiffany” and “Super Sexy Times with Beth.” Okay, let’s pretend Josh is discreet for a half second and the file names weren’t clear. You can see the timestamp of the file!! Plus, in order to send the video Rubin would need access to some sort of account for Josh. You think a college guy isn’t going to be too busy trying to see/mess up as much as his friend’s stuff as possible? If not, clearly we are not friends with the same kind of people.

You see what I mean about technology being a ruiner?

That’s not to say one can’t still watch and enjoy Road Trip. There are many funny moments involving snakes and random body parts, and if nothing else it lends itself easily to drinking games.