A Neek Holiday Letter, Because

Dear friends, family, and random strangers,

What up, yo! As some of you (mainly the family) will recall, back in the day I used to send an annual Christmas letter. This was mainly because my mother forced me to, but it was totes popular regardless. No for realz. People loved that shiz.

Anywho, I started getting holiday cards this year and after a second of thinking “that’s so adorable why don’t I send them!” remembered that I only get stamps roughly once a decade and so jealously guard them for a slow, purposeful use over time. Also I don’t collect addresses. Also I’d have to write in cards, and my handwriting is atrocious and requires me to really concentrate since there’s no autocorrect. So I realized the next best thing was to create a “virtual” holiday card! Except not really a card, but more of a letter. This is basically an attempt for me to brag on what happened this year. Prepare yourself, because it’s super exciting.

Early on in the year, one of the posts from this blog went viral-ish. This was due to absolutely no effort on my behalf, which is the best kind of accomplishment. I celebrated for days. DAYS! People got a little sick of hearing about it. I have no regrets.

In May I visited my brother and went to the best laser tag place ever. I managed to scar my elbow and actually was the top performer for my team in MORE THAN ONE ROUND (I emphasize this, so you know it wasn’t a fluke).

This came at the cost of my knee pestering me for a few days, but overall the knee struggle has been not as real this year. I am knocking on so much wood right now. You have no idea. Of course all of my major bad knee days have been during vacation (visiting my brother, hitting Universal Studios, going wild in Vegas). Figures.

Speaking of vacation, this year I had what I have deemed the most traumatic experience of my life. I also got LASIK. More on the LASIK momentarily. What was my traumatic experience, you ask? THE FREAKING HARRY POTTER RIDE AT UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!! I screamed, I cried, I almost vomited. Never again.

In comparison, LASIK was crazy easy. Actually it just happened last week so don’t hold me to that if I accidentally blind myself during the continuing healing process. Sure, you can smell the laser burning out your eye and that’s mildly disturbing, but on the other hand now I CAN SEE. #worth

Other things you may have missed this year?

• I received the FUN award at my company this summer, along with some others last week I’m not quite as proud of (Most Likely To Need Rudolph’s Guidance Home After The Party and Most Likely To Bring Their Own Mistletoe).
• I completed NaNoWriMo again! If you have no idea what that means we clearly aren’t really friends, and you should read my friend Erin’sblog for some background.
• I created an Instagram account finally, which is mainly used for nail art. Baby, I was born to nail art. No really, this is like a secret skill I didn’t know I have. Yay for developing new skills!

Was there anything here you didn’t know about yet? Anything peak your interest for further blog writing? Let me know in the comments.

And may your holidays be bright and not filled with Star Wars spoilers! 

How to Handle Going (Semi) Viral

Step 1: Make Sure This Is Really Happening

I was thinking today about how slackerish I’ve been on my writing. I logged into Blogger just to see what my last post was even about, since I couldn’t remember. Then I had several minutes where I thought my dyslexia had reached epic proportions of awful because I couldn’t figure out why the graph of recent views had 100+ on what looked to be a LOW visit day.

Turns out, I went (semi) viral.

Step 2: Figure Out WTF Happened

Detailed research soon revealed that a random post from last year (31 Signs You May Have a Jazzercise Problem) was the cause of about 96% of the views. I couldn’t get anymore information except that the bulk of the views were coming from a Facebook link.

So I turned to Google.

Extensive Googling revealed that SEVERAL Jazzercise locations had shared this blog post! Oddly enough my Jazzercise had not posted the blog link, which is why I didn’t know this was happening.

Step 3: Tell People

Obviously it’s not real unless you immediately text or run over and squeal at friends/family to tell them all about it. I figured while I was at it, I should probably write a blog post about my success.

I also realized as I was telling people that it was the perfect time to remind them of all the other facts this reveals. I can now prove that I’m ridiculously clever, have an amazing sense of humor, and am potentially the most amazing person they know. I’m also crazy humble and down to earth about my success!

Step 4: Do a Victory Dance

Maybe even more than one if you’re feeling really excited. I did. I decided it was a baking night so I could have celebratory dancing all night long. This ended when the oatmeal cookies refused to cooperate, but there was plenty of dancing squeezed in before that.

You don't get a picture of the victory dance. Deal with it.

 

Step 5: While You’re At It, Have a Celebratory Meal…

 

(actual dinner pictured on left)

 

…Or Drink

(actual mini champagne on right)

 

You know, or do both. Why not? I’m semi-viral. I totally earned it.

Step 6: Calm Down

Of course a short time later I’ve completely forgotten about it because I’m busy swearing at f***ing oatmeal cookies. It’s important to keep things in perspective. I may be a Master Blogger (also known as Dumb Lucky since this is more a Jazzercise promotion thing than an actual example of my writing prowess), but clearly I have yet to perfect baking. F***ing cookies are ruiners.