The Cult of Jazzercise

It’s been especially frustrating for me the past 2 months that I haven’t been able to jazzercise as much as I want. It’s probably not helping my stress levels. I’m going to be lucky to hit 10 classes for August. Freaking ridiculous.

At this point of life, I like to joke to my friends that I only talk about 2 things: The Vampire Diaries and jazzercise. You’ve probably already noticed The Vampire Diaries obsession. I’ve mentioned jazzercise a few times before… here, and there, and everywhere. But finally, it’s time to explain the obsession.

You see the thing is I totally drank the Kool-Aid. I bought into jazzercise, and now I continuously try to recruit others. I’ve made my mom go jazzercise when she visits me. I almost had my friend Baby Kevin talked into trying it, but then we were busy/hungover during the class time.

This is utterly shocking because I DO NOT like exercise. Seriously. Not at all. I remember back in the day in high school there was some sort of test we took where it would determine your best love matches in the school (which by the way I also remember that mine sucked). One of the questions was “how often do you exercise?” I tried to say 1-2 times a week because otherwise I felt lazy, and every reprimanded me because that was a huge lie.  It would be more realistic to say that for 1 or 2 weeks out of a year I was really good and worked out maybe 3 times a week, but the rest of the year I did absolutely nothing.

I continued this behavior in college. Actually I may have been the least fit of my college roommates, because they would work out consistently for a few weeks, and I always tapped out at like week 2. I just see no point to exercising. You get all sweaty and disgusting, it doesn’t feel good, and it’s boring.

Now I had a year after college where I did slightly better. What happened is that I decided to go on a cruise with a bunch of friends, and I figured I should look half decent in a swimsuit. I was successful because I didn’t go to the gym, instead I danced or jogged around the house, and because I tied exercising to my pepsi intake. I made some rule where if I didn’t exercise every other day I wasn’t allowed to have my daily pepsi or something similar. Once we got back from the cruise and I gave up pepsi, that pretty much fell apart.

So how did I end up an absurd jazzercise enthusiast?

When I moved to Austin I decided to go to a jazzercise class because I thought it would be a good way to meet people. I was pleasantly surprised to realize jazzercise is FUN. As I continued to go, I discovered more benefits. Because it combines cardio and weight exercises, you can burn calories (if you believe in that sort of thing) and also sculpt your muscles.

There are 2 questions I always hear from people when I talk about jazzercise, which if I answer now will clear up some common misconceptions:

1. Is there actually jazz music?

Normally no. The routines are set to a variety of music, but think more top 10 than jazz. Right now some of the routines are to “Get Lucky” by Daft Punk, “My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark” by Fall Out Boy, and “Treasure” by Bruno Mars.

2. Do you do jazz hands?

Sometimes, yes. There are songs where they tell us to do jazz hands. But not as often as you might think.

Basically how jazzercise works is that the first 30ish minutes are cardio. There are set routines to different songs. The instructor can choose the songs, and there are some things they do slightly differently in a routine, but otherwise it’s the same.

Once the cardio portion is over, we move on to the strength training. These are a few songs, typically involving weights, a tube, a mat, or an exercise ball, that hit certain muscle groups. Normally there are 2 leg songs, 1 for arms, 1 for abs, and then an ending song. This is the area that gets switched up the most. There are songs that combine muscles (like both legs and abs or arms and legs). Some instructors do more arms and less legs. As we approached summer one of my favorite instructors made us always do 2 abs songs. So this is where you normally get more variety.

It’s hard to explain what makes jazzercise different. You have to try it. Everyone is so welcoming. I tend to hit different jazzercise locations when I travel, and it’s always a really great experience. When people think I’m “new” they are so sweet and make sure I know where everything is and how it works.

There’s no judging in jazzercise. When you mess up (and everyone does at some point) you laugh it off. The instructors always say as long as you’re moving you’re fine.

Plus the instructors are amazing. Now I have my favorites, and by no means is anyone perfect. I’m always mentally comparing styles in my head (I feel like I want to make a scorecard of jazzercise instructors someday). But they keep it fun, and they are so encouraging. They take the time normally to greet new people and they’re always available to answer any questions.

And the thing is now that I jazzercise regularly, I do feel a difference. I feel stronger. I feel healthy. I feel empowered. And I feel like I need my jazzercise “me time” so I don’t get angry at the stupid people of the world.