Your Special Snowflake Sucks

This week there was a whole spiel on the radio devoted to whether a parent should let their kids know when they suck at something. The debate was whether it was better to be honest with a child and crush their hopes and dreams early on, or to give them an inflated sense of self but avoid breaking their tiny hearts. I missed the end decision, but lordy do I hope we decided to be dream crushers.

Personally, I realized very early on in life that my mother was completely biased and I could not trust her on anything. Heck, until recently I was convinced she had invented the compliment “doe eyes” and bribed relatives/friends to say it to me. It’s only been the past few months that I realized it’s actually a real phrase. To be fair, this is the same mother that claims I’m a fast runner (I’m not), that both her children are beautiful (and she maintained this through our super awkward phases, which were super awkward and unfortunate), and that I’m a good singer (she’s tone deaf, how would she even know?).

I didn’t think my mother was purposely lying to me, but rather that she was blinded by love. I looked to my father to be a little more realistic but didn’t entirely trust him either. I started relying on friends until I realized that unless they’re pretty much your best friend in the world, they too will lie to your face about how awesome you are and you’ll end up with no real sense of your limitations.

It’s a very interesting time of life where on the one hand we’re plagued by unrealistic images and expectations, and on the other we’re told to cherish and recognize our uniqueness as being something to celebrate. But is it really?

Now some of the messaging I can agree with and in fact super love. It is fabulous to be reminded that no, I’m never going to look like Megan Fox in a bikini, but that’s okay. It’s good to know no one expects me to sing like Christina. It’s extra wonderful to find out about problems that great people had. Not that I want anyone to be depressed or an alcoholic or anything, but it helps keep their greatness in perspective (#HemingwayWasADrunk).

But I also think we go too far sometimes. We’re told that because we’re unique, everything we say/do is meaningful. I FINALLY joined the Twitter world today. I did it mostly so I can keep up on my favorite celebrity boyfriends, but I’ll probably tweet too. Why not. The whole idea of Twitter though kind of boggles my mind. From the brief amount of time I’ve spent scrolling on it, it seems like people took the most superficial parts of Facebook (selfies, posts about every little thing they do) and just constantly send that out. I suppose deep life revelations are not always simpatico with 140 character limit. But do people really want to know I’m drinking yet another frappuccino? Do they want to see my new mani every week? Do they really care about my thoughts on the #Hercules movie? Is it really meaningful just because I’m unique and I said it?

If this seems a little hypocritical from a girl that writes a blog and has totally added frappuccino pictures on Facebook… that’s because it is. I engage in this exact same behavior all the time. Even before the days of Twitter, people were doing this to a small extent with texts, and phone calls, and letter writing way back in the day. We feel the need to share the details of our life. We feel like people should care. I guess what has changed is that before, we only made that assumption of our family and close friends. Now, you use a hashtag and expect the rest of the world to retweet and follow.

What our generation has the most trouble accepting is the value of uniqueness. Yes, you are unique and that’s all well and good, but what does it really mean? Does it make your thoughts any more important than mine? No. The thing is, you’re unique because of the sum of your parts. Someone else in the world totally has your same mani. Somebody can write better than you. Someone came up with that inside joke with their friends like a decade earlier. SOMEONE WAS ALREADY ON THE MOON. There is very little you can do that is well and truly original against all the people in the world, all the spans of time. That especially goes for your little 140 character tweets. There are a finite number of unique tweets. I mean it’s a freaking huge number and we’ll probably (possibly? Most likely?) never hit it, but nonetheless it exists.

So yeah, celebrate you. Because you are awesome. Just keep in mind: you’re NO MORE AWESOME THAN ANYBODY ELSE. It is wonderful that some people find you clever/amusing/super sexy and want to follow you, but don’t expect everybody to do so, and don’t build your happiness around whether or not people care about your unique snowflakeness. They’re probably too busy with their own unique snowflakeness of being awesome.

Now I’m going to go tweet this.  

Things You Never Knew You Never Knew

I had to have a quick debate with myself over whether or not this was a For The Few post, as there may be some spoilers for the movie What’s Your Number, but on the other hand it’s a romcom so I’m pretty sure you can figure out what’s going to happen within the first five minutes.

So I may or may not have “developed a new talent,” to quote Jane from Coupling. I’ve always had this ability; the question is whether or not it’s actually a “talent” or something everyone does. I did talk about it with a friend awhile ago and it wasn’t something they could do, but that’s hardly overwhelming evidence in my favor.

Anyway, so the talent has to do with TV, which probably isn’t a surprise. I noticed that when I watch movies on television I am always super aware of when they cut things out, even if it’s only a few seconds. It works in reverse too – I also notice any scene I didn’t see the first time around. At first, I thought maybe this only applied to movies I had watched quite a few times, because as we all know there are some movies I have watched obsessively. Actually though I’ve noticed it even for movies I’ve watched only one or two times.

Again it wasn’t something I really cared about or commented on until they started playing What’s Your Number. I had watched it originally on HBO and then went out and bought it. Of course, keep in mind that after the first time I watch a movie it’s normally on more as background noise while I simultaneously read or cross-stitch. They’ve started playing it on normal channels now and I turn it on because I love the movie, but then within 15 minutes I’m going insane because they cut out A LOT of little things I like.

So I decided to make a list of my favorite things that are cut from the movie to show the difference a few seconds can make!

First though, here’s a bit of a background on What’s Your Number. It’s about Ally, a woman who realizes she has slept with 20 guys which according to an article is the maximum number a woman can sleep with before she’s doomed to a life of unhappiness. Ally decides in order to not go over 20, she’ll track down her ex-boyfriends and maybe it will work out with one of them. That’s about all you need to know. Oh, also Chris Evans walks around very mostly naked a lot, so there’s that to enjoy.

And here are my top 5 moments that keep getting cut out of the movie but should damn well be left in:

5. Just Taste Them

After Ally sleeps with man #20, she is cake tasting with her sister, Daisy, who is getting married. And by tasting, I mean chowing down (which I would probably do too, this may be the reason no one takes me to cake tastings). She tells Daisy it doesn’t matter how much she eats because she’s going to be celibate since she hit the 20 person limit.

On TV they tend to start this scene right before one of her exes walks in and cut out this initial part of the conversation. It’s not that it’s necessarily super funny, but I think it sets it up better for a few minutes later when Ally decides to start tracking down her ex-boyfriends as opposed to being celibate (because who wants that?).

4. Puppy Love

When Ally’s neighbor Colin comes over to her apartment for the first time, he makes a reference to how he thought she’d be cool. This is because her friends had put her crazy toast on youtube, and they discuss how he gets alerts on everyone in the building.

First of all, this is actually super relevant because that’s the whole reason Ally ends up enlisting Colin to find her ex-boyfriends. Second, this conversation reveals that one of their neighbors attempted to marry his dog, which I find hysterical and which changes the tone later on when Ally runs into said neighbor and dog.

3. How Much Penis?

Ally, her sister, and their friends are playing a “drinking game” at the beginning of the movie as Ally tries to figure out how many men the rest of them have slept with. Needless to say they’re nowhere near the same number as Ally. They keep most of this scene in the TV version, but they do cut out a side conversation where one of the friends changes her number.

This isn’t relevant to the plot really (it pops back up later, but you can get by without it) but it does make me giggle. Basically, the question is how much penis does it take to count as sex.

2. Mini Cheeseburger

For once, the scene doesn’t have any comedic value but I do think it’s essential to the overall tone. Near the end Ally has gotten together with ex Jake Adams. It shows a series of shots of them together. One of these shots, a little longer than the others, is the two of them at a party where a waiter offers mini cheeseburgers. Ally picks one up, but since Jake doesn’t want one she puts it back.

Throughout the movie it is readily apparent that Ally tends to change herself to be more like her boyfriends. Obviously, this is a big problem. If I felt more philosophical at the moment instead of hungry, I might talk about how important this theme is to life in general. But what this scene reveals is that even with Jake Adams, who Ally thought was perfect for her, she’s still changing herself (giving up mini cheeseburgers) to make other people happy (which is even more stupid because not only are burgers awesome but they were MINI).

1. Tweet This

My absolutely favorite thing they keep cutting out of the TV version is completely non-relevant and probably not even than funny to other people. Ally wakes up to Colin hiding out in her apartment and finds out he created a Facebook account for her. She complains but accepts it, stating however that she refuses to be on Twitter. This part is still in the movie.

At the end of the scene though Ally goes to make coffee, and can’t find her coffee pot. Colin responds “I broke it. If you were on Twitter you would know that already.”

I think this amuses me so much because A. I’m also not on Twitter (*gasp!*), and B. this totally seems like the type of ridiculous thing people would tweet about.

So that’s my list! There are actually a few other little things they cut out as well that drive me insane, but these are the big ones in my humble opinion. It bugs me because I’m pretty sure most people didn’t see this in theaters (I don’t even remember it being out), probably didn’t watch it on HBO, and now they’re going to see the reduced version and not even know what they’re missing. I love this movie. How can you not, with quotes like “the guitar gets cold against his penis,” the hysterical relationship between the sisters, and Anna Faris being adorable?