You may not have realized it yet, but as of today the movie Clueless turns 20 years old. Hello! It’s
time to talk about the magic that is Clueless
in honor of this epic day.
I don’t remember when I first saw Clueless, but I have watched it many, many times since. It has
taught me important things about life such as:
·
There’s nothing wrong with being a control freak
(“I felt impotent and out of control. Which I really, really
hate. I had to find sanctuary in a place where I could gather my thoughts and
regain my strength...”)
·
Pretty much anything in life is
negotiable (“Well, some teachers are trying to low-ball me, Daddy. And I know
how you say, "Never accept a first offer", so I figure these grades
are just a jumping off point to start negotiations.”)
·
It’s okay to wait to sleep with a guy (“You
see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.”)
Yet as much as I adore this movie, I still have several
questions that have never been answered. To celebrate the 20-year anniversary I
thought I’d share these questions with you, my darling readers, because maybe
someone out there actually has the answers!
Questions I still have about Clueless:
·
What the
hell is the dress code for this school? In one of the first scenes there is
a girl wearing a full suit to school. A suit! Who does that? Never mind the
ridiculous amount of skin everyone shows. Not only tiny skirts, but bare
midriffs. This makes me sad that I can’t wear a tiny plaid skirt to work with
over the knee stockings and have it be acceptable. Unfair!
·
How did
Cher not realize that Elton wanted to jump her bones? No, really. He’s
touching her all the time. He kisses her multiple times. I admit, when he asks
for Tai’s picture that could throw her off a little but the overall evidence
points towards him liking Cher. Now having just said that, I feel ridiculously
hypocritical since I’m oblivious myself, but damnit Cher! You’re supposed to
know things!
·
What the
hell is the dinner protocol at Cher’s house? I cannot follow how it works. Is
dinner at a set time? Why do Cher and Josh snack right before dinner? Does one
person just realize dinner is ready and then yell at the others? Maybe I’m just
confused because dinner in my house could be anytime between the hours of 5 to
11 at night, so having some sort of scheduled dinner seems odd.
·
How bad
are these cheerleaders that they accidentally flash people while practicing? Oh
what, you never noticed that? Why are they not wearing some sort of cheer
shorts? Did Bring It On lie to me
that this was a thing?
·
How does
Lucy fit in Cher’s clothes? Cher tells Josh that she donates expensive
outfits to Lucy, the maid. Lucy is short and squat. Cher is not. Assuming the
clothes don’t fit, what does Lucy do with them? Sell them? Give them to
somebody?
·
What the
hell time of year does this movie start? It can’t be at the end of the
semester, because Christian is supposed to spend one semester at each school,
and he doesn’t show up until mid-movie. I assumed the grades were for the first
quarter, but if you look at the report card when Cher gets her grades updated,
the report period it says it’s for is the entire first semester. Yet when Cher
and her dad discuss it they say it’s for the same semester and start talking
about midterms and what not. WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHY ISN’T CHRISTIAN AT SCHOOL
YET?!
·
How did
Cher and Dionne end up with food at lunch, without going through line with Tai?
Why did Tai have to get their pop? Also is Tai drinking both diet coke and
milk? At the same lunch? Aw god that has to be a gross combination.
·
Why does
Elton put the picture of Tai in his locker? I understand that this is from
Emma, and in Emma he takes a picture that she
painted. In Clueless all Cher did
was point the camera and take a picture. That doesn’t require skill. I don’t
understand. Is this only to create the confusion that maybe Elton does like
Tai?
·
Why does
Cher let Tai sit in the wrong seat at dinner? If your father always sits
there, and you know he scares people, why set up your friend to piss him off
immediately? It seems rude.
·
Who
shaves their head in the middle of a party? No seriously, who in the middle
of a party, at a stranger’s house, uses their razor and shaves their head?
·
Again,
WHAT THE HELL TIME OF YEAR IS THIS?! If we assume they are in the second
semester based on the report card and discussions above, why are they talking about taking
yearbook photos?!? Isn’t that a beginning of the year thing?
·
So when Cher gets her phone stolen, she calls
Josh. Why doesn’t she call Dionne? She
says it’s because she doesn’t know the number of the party. Ok, that is
probably true, but doesn’t she know Dionne’s cell? She knows the number for
Josh’s dorm room and he’s had that phone number a half year at most. It’s not
like Dionne doesn’t have her cell phone on her. Please, these girls even have
their cells at gym class. I’m pretty sure she subconsciously just wanted a
reason to call Josh.
·
“If I’m
too good for him, how come I’m not with him?” Yes, this is a question they
ask in the movie, but nobody ever answers it, and I’m pretty sure we have all
continued to ask this at some point in our own lives.
·
How
awkward is it that Cher tries to seduce Christian in her debate class, when
Elton sits right behind her, and she just turned him down? I know Elton’s a
jerk, but I do feel slightly bad for him. He’s stuck sitting behind her and
watching her get flowers, and candy, and wear super revealing outfits… poor
guy. Did this really never occur to Cher? Is she just ignoring Elton?
·
Why
exactly did Tai come to the party when Cher’s out with Christian? Why didn’t
Dionne? It seems rude to invite Tai when going with Christian on what Cher
thinks is a date. Is that why Tai is in such an odd party outfit? Did Cher make
her wear that so she’d could be there on the date but also be a non-threat? And
if she notices that Tai is feeling left out, why not have her come over and
dance with her and Christian?
·
Also, if
this party is Josh’s friends, why are Elton and Amber there? Who the hell
invited them? How would they know about the party? They are the only other
people from Cher’s school that are there. I assume this is just so the movie
can make Tai feel bad about life.
·
What time
is Josh’s mom calling the house looking for him? It’s after the party and
it seems late at night. She really calls up her ex’s house at like midnight or
later to talk to her son? I mean maybe if it was an emergency, but this seems
like a casual call. Also, is Josh the only person in this movie that doesn’t
have a cell phone? No wait, he does, we saw it earlier.
·
Why does
Josh for even a second think that Cher somehow passed the driver’s test?
He’s been in the car with her. He knows how she drives. Maybe he thought she’d
talk them into it, which is kind of scary.
·
How does
Tai know to come to the ASL thing? It doesn’t seem like her and Cher were
talking at this point. We haven’t seen her in any scenes since she was “way
harsh.” We know she wasn’t talking to Travis anymore. Is she psychic? Did Dionne
tell her?
·
How did I
never notice before that the wedding at the end is held at Cher’s house? Also, who invites your teacher to have
their wedding at your house? That seems incredibly weird, but I guess that’s
par for the course for Cher. I wondered why she was a bridesmaid. I mean, in
theory they don’t know she hooked them up. It’s probably because they’re using
her house. It all makes sense now!
Despite the many questions, Clueless is still one of my go-to movies. I don’t know how one can
watch it without feeling better about fashion and life. It also is now a
fabulous movie for the “drink whenever something is outdated” game. Happy 20th,
Clueless!
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